I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I understand Curling. That high.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
