I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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