wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
