Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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