Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
