I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
