I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I love having hate sex.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
