It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
