You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
did you just send me my own nude
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
