she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In other news, I just burned my penis
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
