I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
