Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
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Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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