I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
