Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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