i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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