I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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