I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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