oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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