It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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