why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
