just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
