Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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