Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
