So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
