you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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