If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
