i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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