Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
