Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize