I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
