he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
