I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
