mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
