If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
