dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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