Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Panties = found
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
