omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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