There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
