Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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