capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
