She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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