theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
