Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
