we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
