the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
