I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
