Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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