My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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