I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
