Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
