we have pet lesbian snakes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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