oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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