remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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