I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
