Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
