just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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