i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
