I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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