TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
