I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
