trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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