Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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