i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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