Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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