Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
