Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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