I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
