Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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