Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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